Your Bachelorette Party Is Going to Be How Far Away? And Cost How Much?

She started her bachelorette season with a road trip from Westchester County, N.Y, to Savannah, Ga., then went to Scottsdale, Ariz., Miami and Aruba in the following three months. Soon, she will travel to Park City, Utah, for yet another bachelorette party.

“All of my PTO was used for bachelorettes and weddings,” the public-relations professional says.

The cheapest of the parties was in Savannah, she says, and cost a little over $1,000 for the entire weekend. She hesitates to tally up the total amount she spent on bachelorette parties, including flights, rental properties, decorations and themed outfits.

Ms. Stewart says she enjoyed the trips and was grateful she had the opportunity to travel to a variety of destinations. But she also says the travel was only possible because she spent a period of time living with her parents while between apartments.

“I don’t think I would’ve been able to say yes to all of these things if I had been paying rent,” she says.

The money question is looming very large for friends of the bride or groom these days. As bachelor and bachelorette parties become “destination” events, guests need to shell out for travel and lodging and extras like themed clothes—which puts a burden on many people who can’t easily cover the costs. Many attendees say they feel an obligation to show up for these “once in a lifetime events.” So, they have to ask themselves: Do they want to skip the event and risk regret and strained relations with their friends? Or should they attend and break the bank—or, maybe worse, resent their friends for forcing them into a tough spot?

Taking the plunge

These uncomfortable questions arise in a year filled with a record number of weddings, which has been accompanied by a large number of prewedding events, including bachelor and bachelorette parties, industry analysts say. In the first half of 2022, 76% of brides had a bachelorette party, according to data from The Knot, a wedding-planning website. And long gone are the nights out at a local bar before the wedding. According to The Knot, 97% of bachelorette parties in 2021, the most recent data available, required overnight accommodations.

Travel costs, in fact, represent a sizable chunk of the rising costs. Price tags are surging for things like airfare, lodging, dinner and drinks. In 2021, the average pre-wedding party size was about 10 people, and the average cost per person was $773 for those attending bachelorette parties, according to party-planning app Bach. The cost is usually higher for those traveling by plane, and has increased this year as airfare has gone up.

Social media has made certain destinations, such as Scottsdale, Ariz., and Nashville, more desirable for prewedding getaways, organizers and attendees say. The average nightly cost of a short-term rental with three or more bedrooms in Scottsdale was $498.11 this past summer, an increase of 35% from summer 2019, according to market-research firm AirDNA. The price of such a property rose 31% in Nashville during the same period, and cost an average of $580.64 per night this past summer

For bachelorette attendees, the expense—and pressure—can be intensified by social media. In recent years, it has become more popular to decorate

Airbnb

s with balloon arches and themed signs, as well as to have Instagram-worthy activities like a bartender visiting the house for custom drinks, says

Randi Nuorala,

founder of Kay & Co., a decoration service for bachelorette parties. Her business coordinates decorations and services like stocking the fridge for prices ranging from $300 to $1,500.

“The activities have just gotten bougier,” she says. “Like, ‘We’re going on this girl’s trip, we’re going to be posting about it, we need to look like this is like a luxury experience.’ ”

All of which can put some attendees in a psychological and financial bind. Young people often tie their self-worth to the time and money they spend on their friend group, says financial therapist

Ashley Agnew.

“They’re putting their personal value on what they’re providing to their friends and how they’re being perceived by their friends,” she says. That can make it feel impossible to decline the trip, even if the person is juggling student-loan payments, rent, car payments and other expenses.

There are also friendship dynamics to consider. Group members might insist that everyone attend every event, whether a spa day or a wine tasting, so no one is left out, says Ms. Agnew. But that can put people with less disposable income in tough situations and lead them to feel anxious or resentful if they don’t stand up for themselves, she says.

Torn between costs

Valerie Spears

is invited to three bachelorette parties next year, and she was concerned because she would have to cover her own wedding expenses on top of all of those costs. Ms. Spears, an analyst at a law firm, says she panicked because she didn’t want to let her friends down by backing out, but she spoke honestly to the organizers and told them she could contribute after her own wedding and honeymoon were over. She says they were all understanding.

Ms. Spears says there is pressure on the events because they are framed as once-in-a-lifetime occasions. That can make it feel personal when people decline to attend, and she admits initially being hurt when some friends couldn’t make her own bachelorette party in Tampa. But then she took a step back and gained a better perspective.

“It’s not that they don’t want to support me and be there for me,” she says. “They have their own lives.”

Many organizers find themselves navigating finances of people they may or may not know, as well as different income levels and interests among the group, which can include friends and family members, as well as siblings of the soon-to-be spouse, all of whom are traveling together.

When

Ty’Ronie Land

was planning her friend’s bachelorette party earlier this year, she knew she had to find a rental house in Dallas on the mutually agreed upon September date. It had to be a reasonable cost, but also big enough to accommodate the group of nine women who had expressed interest in coming, including herself and the bride.

Ms. Land, a manager at an IT-support company, found an Airbnb where the total cost would be about $140 per person, with Ms. Land covering the bride’s share herself. The other women agreed to the price tag, so Ms. Land made a down payment of more than $600 for the September event.

But in the weeks that followed, when she checked in to get reimbursed, Ms. Land heard radio silence from many of the bridesmaids. Four women ended up dropping out. That meant the cost for the nonrefundable Airbnb would essentially double if Ms. Land couldn’t find others to attend.

Plan early

Colin Moynahan,

a financial adviser, has worked with clients carrying credit-card debt from wedding-related events ranging from a couple thousand dollars to more than $5,000. Many clients have five or six weddings each year and travel for wedding showers and bachelorette events, as well.

He often hears an urgency about attending the events. “It’s more the guilt of, ‘I have to do this,’ ” he says. He suggests outlining expenses as far in advance as possible so people can evaluate whether it is possible to go on the trip and then can set money aside.

If the numbers don’t add up, he suggests keeping the bigger picture in perspective. He has helped some clients realize they don’t have the budget to travel, and he advises them to keep their broader goals in mind, such as a down payment for a house.

“Every single one of them that has backed out makes a comment about how they feel less stressed afterward,” Mr. Moynahan says.

Ms. Agnew suggests giving priority to the wedding day above all else. She suggests saying to the bride, “ ‘because it’s so important for me to be there for the wedding, I’ll do that even if it means sacrificing the party because that’s the real celebration.’ ” That way, you are expressing how you value the friendship.

Jessica Hinkebein

got married in August and attended two other bachelorette parties this year, in addition to her own, which was in Hermann, Mo. When she was invited to her friend’s bachelorette party in Napa, Calif., she calculated the cost to fly from her home in St. Louis, as well as added expenses for wine tours, the short-term rental and dining out, which came right after her own wedding and honeymoon.

“There was no way,” the client-service manager says. “I felt terrible about it.”

Ms. Hinkebein points out that the group dynamic of the trip can make it harder to be a lower-budget traveler when others can spend more. Most often, when you eat out in a group, the bill is split evenly between all members, with each person also taking on the bride’s share so she doesn’t pay.

“There’s just never a way to be, like, ‘Oh, I’m just going to have a Caesar salad and a water or one drink,’ ” she says.

Her friend was understanding about why she couldn’t attend, Ms. Hinkebein says. She advises other people to be honest with their friends, and with themselves. Because the trips turn into the cost equivalent of a vacation, she says, it is important not to lose sight of how they affect both your budget and time off.

If you do decide to attend, but have a limited budget, Ms. Agnew suggests practicing the phrase, “I’m not going to go [to a specific event at the party] because I can’t afford it.” It can be uncomfortable, she says, but others might feel the same about skipping certain activities, and it might not be perceived negatively.

Ms. Land and the bride ended up recruiting four other women for the Dallas bachelorette party, so everyone paid the expected amount for the Airbnb. The group had some drinks at the house instead of bars to save money, and they researched restaurants so they wouldn’t be hit with unexpectedly high bills.

Ms. Land’s own maid of honor didn’t show up for her wedding, she says, so she wanted to go above and beyond so that the bride didn’t feel let down.

“They always say, if you have a baby, if you have to move, if you get married, you find out who your real friends are,” she says.

Ms. Land says she ended up paying more in gas and decorations than the other attendees, but says she didn’t want to inconvenience them by burdening them with bills. The priority was making it a memorable weekend for everyone.

“I knew I had accomplished my goal when she was smiling and she had no voice,” she says of the bride. “Mission accomplished.”

Ms. Pohle is a reporter for The Wall Street Journal in New York. She can be reached at allison.pohle@wsj.com.