Slutty Cheff
Dining out alone is not sad, it is hot, it’s mysterious, it’s sophisticated. It is not a trite form of self-love, it is a classy act of self-workshopping. Saying the phrase “table for one” is not a sorrowful statement, it is a powerful one.
Films frame eating at a restaurant alone as sad. There is the tragic guy with the flowers who got stood up; the sad woman waiting for her estranged father to appear; the old man staring down at his crème brulée, thinking about his late wife and wishing he’d told her how much he loved her while he had the chance. In real life, the tragic guy with flowers is an award-winning horticulturist, the sad woman is only sad because they’ve sold the last lobster special, and the old man is Pierre Koffmann, enjoying a crème brulée.
There is a distinction between being lonely and alone. I suppose, like many people in their twenties, I am—at the core of my dark, punctured heart—lonely. But being alone is different. When I am alone in a restaurant, or a pub, or a cafe, I am never lonely—in fact, I’m having a damn nice time. Things are not always improved upon by doing it with another person. Take sex as an example… would you rather have bad sex with a weirdo, or a wankathon by yourself?
Lots of people don’t like eating out alone. They say it makes them nervous, or they find it boring, or they worry other diners might think they’re weird. If this is you, then you must approach eating out alone like you do your other forms of “self-care”—attack it with the same vigour you do diagnosing yourself with ADHD on social media, or researching how beneficial it is to submerge your body in cold water, or wearing so many skincare products that your cheeks look like Dairylea Triangle wrappers. If you must engage in modern wellness culture, just know that taking yourself out to eat is a far superior form of self-love to sitting in an ice bath.
Taking yourself out for lunch or dinner is deeply romantic. A common misconception is that restaurants are romantic because we’re there with our lover, but really, it is because there is a prettily decorated table, a team of chefs cooking us food and waiters pouring us wine. We are being served plates of pleasure and our only job is to sit back and enjoy. It’s indulgent, it’s classy and it’s hot.