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HomeEntertainment5 signs you and your partner’s arguments are unhealthy

5 signs you and your partner’s arguments are unhealthy



Julia Ries

If either of you feel too angry or overwhelmed to talk, that’s fine. Just take a break and let the other person know that what you need right now is space. Ask if you can reconvene in 20 minutes or, if need be, a couple of hours. “That way, you’re still not talking, but you’re letting them know you care and you want to connect but you just don’t feel capable of doing it now,” Brateman says.

3. You share every thought that pops into your head

Though some people (not pointing any fingers here) may presume that disclosing every single one of their frustrations and concerns means they’re bringing their authentic self to the relationship, this pattern can actually be pretty harmful, especially in the middle of a heated argument, says Domenique Harrison, LMFT, LPCC, founder of the Racial Equity Therapist in Los Angeles. By unleashing all of your thoughts and emotions at once, you can overburden your partner, Harrison says.

For example, maybe when discussing your upcoming holiday plans, you bring up how they dropped the ball last year, which caused flights to get too expensive so you couldn’t visit your family. And by the way, you feel like you never have an equal say in these kinds of decisions. Plus, it’s not fair to even be talking about this because you had a horrible day at work and now you’re exhausted because you were up all night taking care of your baby while they slept.

This kind of relentless venting sesh can be intense and convoluted—and tough to make sense of (it’s a lot for anyone to process!). You have a better chance of hearing each other if you keep it simple, Harrison says. If you notice you’re getting long-winded (hey, it happens), pause and ask your partner, “Did you get all of that? I know it was a lot,” or agree to zero in on one problem at a time. Let them know it’s okay to take a time-out if they catch you going on and on (and vice versa). If you’re on the receiving end of the word vomit, Harrison recommends saying, “Hey, I’m getting a little overwhelmed here, and I don’t want to miss what you’re saying, so can we slow down?”

4. You’re a bit of a wise-ass

I think we can all agree that it feels good to be right—but most people don’t enjoy being around know-it-alls. Harrison sees this a lot: People will pride themselves on being correct and factual and use that as a weapon in relationship arguments. For example, maybe you bring up how you feel like your partner drank a little too much at your friend’s Friday wedding and they retort, “Well, actually that was on Saturday.” Or they call you out for spending $500 on sports tickets (which was way more than you agreed to!) and you can’t help yourself from righting their wrong: “No, it was only $450.”



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